I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
