Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
