What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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