she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
