new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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