i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
