It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
