I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It was confusing and full of hummus
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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