How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
