I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
