my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
