i need an iv and a liver transplant
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's always time for handjobs
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
