I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
