Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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