I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
