Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize