You're a womanizer and a bitch.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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