she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
