im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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