This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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