i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
