I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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