you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
