I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
