sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
