Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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