On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
