maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
