you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
