New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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