He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
