I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
