Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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