Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
