I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
