Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
