i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You may now shotgun with the bride
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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