Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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