and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
