you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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