I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
