How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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