I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
