i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
