i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
