Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
