Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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