I'm really into asian looking animals
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
