I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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