I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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