So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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