My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
