i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
