Me too!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
