I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
