there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize