I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
