i can't believe i had my finger in that
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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