dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
