guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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