that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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