I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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