He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
