i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
