At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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